


I'll Love You Like You've Never Felt The Pain

by thephanfactory



Category: Phan, dan and phil
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-08-23 07:44:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16614785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thephanfactory/pseuds/thephanfactory
Summary: “D--Dan, wait!”Dan didn’t slow down even though his boyfriend was chasing him through the hall and down the stairs.“Dan! Please! I can explain it all if you just let me!"Dan quickly spun around, almost causing Phil to bump into him.“How could you possibly explain that there’s a naked man in your bed when you clearly have a boyfriend right here??”





	1. Chapter 1

“D--Dan, wait!”  
Dan didn’t slow down even though his boyfriend was chasing him through the hall and down the stairs.

“Dan! Please! I can explain it all if you just let me!”

Dan quickly spun around, almost causing Phil to bump into him.

“How could you possibly explain that there’s a naked man in your bed when you clearly have a boyfriend right here??” Dan spat with venom in his voice

Phil looked at the ground and awkwardly shuffled his feet, hoping Dan keeps ranting so the spotlight doesn’t land on him.

“You can’t, Phil. You--You just can’t.” Dan said almost breathlessly as if the wind had just gotten knocked out of him

Dan turned around and grabbed his phone and gave one look at Phil, saying,

“I’m gonna stay with someone else tonight. Someone else has already taken my spot for the night.” 

And with that, Dan was out of the door, leaving Phil alone after he kicked the other man out. 

Dan jolted awake and he was panting hard while sweat poured down his forehead, soaking his grey sheets. Dan shook his head and he hid his face in his palms. He couldn’t help the tears that rolled down his pale cheeks. Dan swung his legs over the side of his bed as he got up and went into the kitchen of his shared apartment and got a glass of water. He almost dropped his glass when he felt arms wrap around him and kiss the back of his neck and then walked to the fridge. Even though the touch was familiar, Dan stiffened. 

“What’re you doing up?” Phil asked as he sleepily rubbed his eyes. 

Dan just shrugged and started to go back to his bedroom when Phil lightly grabbed Dan’s arm, causing Dan to look up at him.

“Dan, I’m sorry. I’m never going to stop saying it. I love you.” Dan just shot a barely believable smile, followed by him saying,

“I know.” 

Dan quickly shuffled to his room and just stared at the wall in front of him. He loved Phil. He still does and he knows it but he cheated. Dan's worst fear in a relationship was being cheated on, not being enough. He never thought that Phil would cheat though. Never in a million years. Dan got lost in his mind and thoughts, as usual, and laid down, trying to fall asleep so he wouldn't have to think anymore. 

As Dan pretended to sleep in the room across the hall from Phil’s, Phil was laying down in his bed, laptop on his lap, unable to sleep. He hated himself for hurting Dan like that. He didn’t deserve it. Dan was a bit annoying from time to time but overall, he was the nicest anyone’s ever been to Phil. He was trying to make it better, honestly. He just couldn’t figure out how. Ever since Dan found out, He hasn't slept in Phil’s room like he always used to do. He also wouldn’t let Phil sleep in the same bed as him even though Phil knew Dan hated sleeping alone. He wouldn’t kiss Phil back and he wouldn’t talk as much. When they filmed gaming videos, He wouldn’t sit as close to Phil and wouldn’t interact with him as much and over time, Fans started to notice. He didn't even cuddle with him anymore. It’s like the went from lovers to strangers. Phil hated it. He missed Dan. He missed HIS Dan. But this was Phil’s fault, not Dan’s. He considered himself lucky that Dan even stayed.

Dan and Phil had been together for 6 years and Dan couldn’t imagine his life without Phil. That’s mainly the reason he stayed. It’s not that Phil didn’t love Dan, he did and still does, but he honestly doesn’t know what happened. A barista at Starbucks constantly flirted with him and one night, Phil was there late editing his new YouTube video while Dan was out with PJ and Louise and things escalated and Dan caught Phil red-handed, in bed with a different man 4 months ago. He honestly didn’t expect Dan to come back and stay. Dan couldn’t kick Phil out of his life. Phil was the only one who made him happy even though he caused him the worst pain he’s ever felt. 

* * * * *

Over the last two months, Dan had slowly began interacting with Phil again. Not like he used to, it’d never be like he used to. He’d let Phil wrap his arm around him and he laughed more around Phil than he had been. He sat closer to him during gaming videos but that was mainly because of the fans. Dan still slept alone though. Dan wasn’t sure if he could ever fully trust Phil again. He broke all of the trust had put in him.

Dan was resting his head on Phil’s chest, legs curled into a ball on their couch as he picked at the sleeves of his sweater and Phil played with his hair. 

“I love you.” 

Silence was the only answer Phil had received. Dan hadn’t said those words to Phil since it happened and it was driving Phil crazy. Phil pushed Dan’s hair out of his face as he sighed.

“I can forgive you--” Dan choked up. “--But I can’t forget it. It was literally the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life, Phil.” Dan sighed.

“I know...Nothing will ever go back to how it was, Will it?” 

Dan just shook his head. 

“I’m trying to fix it, Dan. I just don’t know how.” Phil was visibly frustrated, trying not to raise his voice at Dan

“I know you are and I appreciate the effort you’re putting into us but...It doesn’t change what happened. It’ll be a while before we’re ‘Dan and Phil’ again.”

Phil just nodded and kissed his head.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the weeks passed, Dan couldn’t hold it all in. It was overwhelming him. He needed to let Phil know how bad it hurt. The next thing he knew, he was bursting into Phil’s room. “You know why I won’t sleep in here with you? Because you had somebody else in this bed that wasn’t me. You had sex with someone else in this bed that wasn’t me."

As the weeks passed, Dan couldn’t hold it all in. It was overwhelming him. He needed to let Phil know how bad it hurt. The next thing he knew, he was bursting into Phil’s room. “You know why I won’t sleep in here with you? Because you had somebody else in this bed that wasn’t me. You had sex with someone else in this bed that wasn’t me. This was OUR bed, Phil. But now I can’t even look at it anymore without picturing you fucking someone else! It hurt, Phil, It hurt so bad! I trusted you with all I had and it’s like you didn’t care. I just--” Dan breathed out and his anger turned into tears. “I just want to know why. Why did you have to have someone else? Was I not doing something right? What did I not have that you wanted??” Dan’s words got choked up at the end and he felt like he couldn’t breath. “Tell me why, Phil. Please.”

Phil’s eyes were watering as Dan cried, looking straight into Dan’s eyes. “I--I don’t know, Dan. We were constantly busy and the day we had off, you went out with our friends instead of spending it with me.” Dan was shocked and then angry. 

“You cheated out of jealousy that I wasn’t with you??? Are you fucking kidding me??” Dan was practically red with steam coming out of his ears.

“No! That’s not why I cheated! I don’t know why I cheated! It’s not like I planned it, Dan!” 

Even though Phil ruled jealousy out, Dan couldn’t stop the anger that was flooding inside of him. 

“You still fucked someone else, Phil! I saw it and that’s what makes it so much worse! You know my ticks about sex and you were trying to see if his were the same. That’s a Dan thing! You might not have planned it but it happened and it hurts! It still does! I’m trying so hard to forgive you but every piece of trust I had for you is just shattered. I can’t--It’s hard, Phil. I love you so much and you’ve helped me be the person I am right now and I know that I should just pack my shit and walk right out of that front fucking door but I can’t leave you! I don’t know why, but I can’t lose you because you’re what keeps me, me. Why can’t I leave you?” Dan’s slow-falling tears became a fast-flowing river and it broke Phil’s heart to hear what he had to say and know that he caused it. 

Phil just pulled Dan into is lap and hugged him super tight as Dan just sobbed. “I’m so sorry, Dan. I’m sorry.” Phil whispered into Dan’s hair as he rubbed his back. 

Dan fell asleep in Phil’s arms for the first time in forever. Phil knew that this didn’t mean they were okay. They weren’t. Dan wasn’t okay. Phil was soaking up every feature on Dan’s face. His freckles, his long eyelashes, his perfectly chapped lips. Even the dried tear streaks underneath his eyes and his cheeks. Phil wanted to sleep right now but he also didn’t want to. He wanted to admire Dan while he could. Dan was still in Phils lap, face curled into Phil’s neck as Phil’s arms wrapped around Dan's arms that were around his waist, trying his best to not let Dan touch his bed. 

“Hi, Dan.” Phil started as he brushed the hair from out of Dan’s face.

“I’m such an idiot. I had you, all of you and now I don’t even have a piece of you. It’s all my fault, obviously. I’d never blame this on you, I did it. I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am for hurting you, throwing us away, just cheating in general. I don’t even know why I did it….I’m impulsive. A--And I think he got the wrong idea at the coffee shop when I was showing him how I edit my videos and he kissed me and it happened. I didn’t even stop it, Dan. I’m super sorry, Be--” Phil just shook his head and laughed softly.

“I almost called you Bear. I can’t call you that. Not anymore. God, I screwed everything up. I just want us to be US again. Not whatever we’re doing. I want you to forgive me, more than anything but I don’t want to rush you. If you cheated, I’d be distant too. I’m just sorry for it all.” Phil leaned down and kissed Dan’s head. “I love you. Thank you for trying to let me fix it.”

 

Dan shuffled a bit in his lap and kissed his chest. “You’re doing better.” Dan said in a sleepy daze.

“I’m gonna keep trying to do better.” Phil stood up, And cradled in his arms as Dan whined, and carried him to his own bedroom and laid Dan down in his bed and pulled the covers over his body.

“No, Stay.” He said softly as Phil started heading back to his room.

“Dan….You’re not even fully awake, I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” Phil gave him a small smile as Dan’s eyes kept fluttering closed.

“Phil. Stay in here with me tonight. Please.” Phil sighed as he walked over to Dan’s bed and crawled up with his chest against the younger’s back and face in his neck and arms around his sides. Phil kissed Dan’s ear but even though Dan wanted Phil to stay, he couldn’t feel like he did before this all happened.

“You heard what I said?” Dan just barely nodded as he kissed one of Phil’s fingers and drifted off to sleep for the second time that night after what felt like ages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to post chapter 2!!!

**Author's Note:**

> So I worked really hard on this and I'm excited for the other chapters! The story is based on the song "Little Do You Know" By Alex and Sierra which is a pretty good song if you ask me. Stay tuned for the more chapters to come! Thank you for reading it, it means so much! Comments and Kudos are appreciated!


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